


Lovesick Her

by Galdsy



Category: BLACKPINK (Band)
Genre: Everyone Is Gay, F/F, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Hospitalization, Idols, Jennie is sick, Jennie needs to take care of herself, Light Angst, Lisa is the cure, YG treat the girls better please
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-23
Updated: 2021-03-14
Packaged: 2021-03-15 06:00:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 18,530
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28933656
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Galdsy/pseuds/Galdsy
Summary: Jennie knows she in love. She doesnt tell anyone that she loves Lisa until her body just gives up on her. Until her eyes are black and until shes gasping for air every now and then and trying to say shes okay. She doesnt tell anyone.She keeps it in even from her best friendsTo save Blackpink, to save Lisa. To save everyone but her own heart.
Relationships: Jennie Kim/Lalisa Manoban | Lisa, Kim Jisoo/Park Chaeyoung | Rosé
Comments: 6
Kudos: 76





	1. Jennie Kim

Love makes you do stupid things. It makes you think stand up for things you never did. It softens you. It makes you...

_Vulnerable_." Jennie softly reads out from a book that she has specifically picked out from the small library in their dorm. She flips the page revealing new sentences after another.

All of them were well written.

Filled with emotion. Jennie loves literature because of that very own reason.

"It allows you to explore news things from start to end. It opens your heart to explore new failures and successes. Sometimes love makes you go mad. Make your eyes go rusty—with your fists all clenched up and your teeths all grind up together. It makes you feel ....explosive. And when you feel that way, you're definitely in love."

Jennie professed,before finally deciding to read the next few pages and closing her book. She sighs and puts the book back on its shelf.

She knew that she was in love. She just—just couldn't say anything.

She couldnt do anything about all of these upsetting feelings.

She needed to think about Jisoo and Rosé too—and Lisa.

Especially Lisa. She rethinks her choices.

Especially Lisa she repeats. The Thai girl that left her house for 5 years just to finally debut as BLACKPINK. 

The current greatest kpop girl group.

_Especially Lisa._

She decided to keep her feelings away. For as long as she can.

For _her_.

That black-haired girl that always had that optimistic smile wherever she went. A year younger than her yet acts so very mature and maybe sometimes cute when she has too, that leaves her in awe everytime.She would notice every detail about her. Of course she did. She spent 9 years together with Lisa. 9 years.

From how Lisa would hold her camera, to how she would love to tidy her bangs and not let anyone touch them.

Jennie knew everything about Lisa. She thinks.

Almost everything.

\-----

"Jennie!!" a voice calls out her name and whispers into her ears. Jennie immediately snaps out of her thoughts and turns around,scanning the dance room. Did she doze off or something? She seriously cant remember anything—She rubs her eyes casually and yawns. It was Lisa behind her in the same dance room.

Lisa. The one that she mentioned in her wondering thoughts.

Jennie smiles"Yes Lisa?" She says calmly."What's wrong?" She questions and pulls the dark haired girl down with her.

Lisa doesn't fight back and let's herself to be pulled down. She laughs as she falls on Jennie's stomach and accidentally hits a spot that somehow sents Jennie into a laughing madness.

"We're late~!" Lisa guffaws and quickly stands up with her amazing reflexes. "Get up Jenniee~! We have a plane to catch!"

Jennie suddenly remembers that she wasnt even suppose to be training herself today the fact that it completely slipped out of mind sents herself in a slient frenzy. Shes such a clumsy idiot—she chuckles in hope that Lisa doesnt mind.

That she doesnt mind that shes such a crackhead at times—ah. Shes going out of the topic again. This is so random. Goddamn it.

Jennie apologies swiftly and picks herself up with Lisa's help. She grabs her belongings and walks out of the practice room and see her bandmates all hitting her shoes and waiting for her.

"Did you doze off or something?" Jisoo asks in unison with Rosé.

"She definitely did!" Lisa slides in the conversation and covering Jennie's part. Jennie softly hides her blush because god, Lisa is so adorable and she seriously can't contain her excitement whenever shes with her bandmates. Everyone laughs at jennie and she joins in. Everything was just so perfect there was no reason for Jennie to say anything. Jisoo drags Rosé and towards the hallway , and Lisa tags along. Jennie was about to close the door before she suddenly stops on her tracks and saw that she has left her wallet inside.

God of all things her wallet.

She rolls her eyes at how clumsy she is sometimes. She turns her head and makes a quick announcement to her members that she'll catch up real soon after she takes her wallet. Jennie sighs as she walks back in the dance room.

She was already halfway there and sometimes shes wondering just how big the dance room was. She loved the interior though. It was just perfectly right there that her insides started to burn.

Burn.

Like roaring flames, flames that never calmed down.

Burn.

Everything was heating up and her legs just couldnt take it. They seem to be struggling as well—each aching and bestowed to cry,She falls flat on the floor and tucks herself into a small ball. Jennie cradles herself like a baby in need and bites on her hoodie.

She was groaning in pain quietly to herself.

Her thoughts were so hazy and her breathing started to grow rapid—her chest was rising and falling. She didn't know what was happening to her but all she knew was that she needed to get up right now. At the this moment.

She can't.

And while the unbearably distressing; torturing;and excruciating pain was trying to slowly kill her, Jennie was telling herself so many things at once—one, that Pain was just an illusory sensation that her mind could shut down if it needed to.

And right now, it was much needed.  
No way she was going to make her members worry.

She cries silently everytime.

"Jennie cries silently everytime" she remember one of her members saying. She couldnt remember who and that made her slightly angry.

She was upset. Shes like a grandma she recall mentioning on camera."Get up." She mocks herself; one hand clenching herself. And the other trying to push the owner up.

_Get up_. She repeats.

"What's taking that Mandu so long" Jisoo annoyingly sighs and asks Lisa, whom she knows was in the exact same room as her 3 minutes ago.

"Right? I thought she said she was getting something. " Rosé chided.

Lisa tries to laugh it off— she shrugs her elbows but that just makes her slightly more cautious and worried about her best friend.

She stops packing her bag," should I go back and check on her? She is taking her own sweet time afterall " Lisa says and the two nod. She quickly thanks them for their understanding and runs to find her, and somehow along the same hallway she was running—she accidentally bumps into Jennie.

"Owh—! I'm sorr-" She motioned only to lift her head and see Jennie rubbing her back and shaking her head. However the first thing that Lisa sees is her flawless face—that seems oldly....

Red?

"Are you okay?"Lisa continued "your face is red."

"I'm fine, Thank you Lisa." Jennie lies. She nowhere near okay. 4 minutes ago she was crying on the dance floor,and now she was lying to her crush.

That's so cringe. She thinks. Shes always mindlessly thinking and she really hates herself for that.

It was only a few moments ago that the pain slowly died down and that she gripped and collected herself that she immediately rushed out of the room ran as fast as she could to the dorm. Where she knew that everyone was waiting for her ass. Little did she know that she was going to bump into the youngest member of the group. She was left in awe, really.

_I wont tell you that I was crying._

_I wont tell you that I'm always trying._

_I won't tell you how much hate I give myself. Sometimes more than the hate I get._

_I wont._

_I wont Lisa._

  
_I promise._

It's funny how sometimes Lisa seems like she is able to read her thoughts"Unnie, dont lie to me okay" she noted.

_"Why would I ever"_

Jennie denies once more—she chucks her arm in between Lisa's and decides to continue walking, she jumps around like a small little kid every now and then but Lisa smiles softly and Jennie's sudden silliness and cracks some jokes while walking back to their dorm;They do enjoy each other company afterall.

Jennie looks completely fine from the outside But Lisa made sure she doesnt let go of today. "But Jennie... your voice was shaking..."

Was what she wanted to say, to tell her and remind her that BlackPink will always do everything to support her.

That she will always support her. But maybe it was just not the right time to be so aggressive and arrogant towards Jennie—not after she was literally her lifesaver in the whole of her Trainee life.

And sometimes Lisa just wants to tell her that this charismatic, hot and talented dancer isnt all perfect. Yeah sure, Straight A's in all of her Trainee life.

But it was Jennie who got her through it.

 _She .... never thanked her_.

Everything just seemed so perfect right now. To all the BLINKS. To the managers, to the CEOs, to everyone except Jennie and Lisa.

They never liked confronting someone whenever they felt someone or something was off or when they felt like everything was out of place. 

Emotions were all over the place for this two.

And especially Jennie.

_\------_

_Maybe everything will be okay —I'm just going to wait for tommrow. Maybe tommrow is going to be different. Things will be different—I'd wake up in the middle of the plane, flying and cutting through the possibilities of the old times._

_The vintage style cushions surrounding me. And whispers of all the YG staff members. And Jisoo beside me. Maybe Rosé. Maybe Lisa. Maybe. I dont want to think about it now. Maybe tommrow will be better "_

_Maybe. Jennie overthinks again._

_Let's wait for tommrow._

_\--_


	2. The flight

Jennie and Lisa reaches the dorm quickly. And Jisoo, the eldest starts to mildly scold them for the time constraint. It wasn't much of a deal, but Jisoo just wanted to be that one responsible person. Jennie laughs as Jisoo tries to tell her how important it was to keep track of time. It was only 5 minutes off and yet shes so particular about it.  
  
  
While Jennie was trying to explain herself that she was looking for her wallet and was just super, duper hard to find,Rosé and lisa were at the back packing their stuff and giggling and that chaotic scene. However,The group understands each other very well—everyone has a role. And they made sure they followed them well.  
  
  
Jisoo, the mother and the rest are just the children following around the eldest member. Rosé and Lisa was just a month apart, making them best of friends. The same goes to Jisoo and Jennie.  
  
The Kim's.  
  
"Aight. Enough scolding," Jisoo says in her excellent english and amazed everyone," we need to go."She finishes in korean—still, pretty amazing. Jisoo grabs her luggage and pulls it out of the door. She picks up her phone and calls for their manager to pick them up. She even made sure she emphasized the word "quickly."  
  
Rosé helps Jennie with her packing to speed things up a little before Jisoo comes down and kicks her ass again.  
  
And Lisa ? She is currently trying to gather all of their pets together to bring them along later. Not a very wise choice but Lisa knows that Jennie sleeps very well with Kuma and loves him very much. They will be handing them over to their managers later on the plane just to make sure they were well taken care during their flight.  
  
  
"COCO COMERE!"Lisa shouts, running after the fluffy brown dog with dog treats. Somehow Kuma doesnt like Lisa whenever she tried to feed him and runs away from her.  
  
"God, Lisa—you're scaring my baby" Jennie chuckles and clicks her tongue. "Comere boy!" She takes a sit and signals her dog to sit on her lap. Kuma waddles his tail and does so—with much delight.  
  
Lisa stares in disbelief. "That's unfair Coco!" She pouts.  
  
"Maybe you shouldnt run after him." Rosé teases. "You'll hurt him."  
  
Lisa was taken aback "hey! I was trying to give him treats!" She says, crossing her arms. "Come on Jennie! Tell Chaeyoung!"  
  
Jennie stands up and pulls Kuma away from Lisa. "Chaeyoung isnt wrong~right Kuma?" she mocks and Kuma barks in unison. Lisa pouts and turns away. "  
  
"Adorable." Jennie thought. She turns to look at the clock and was frowning.  
  
Jisoo was going to murder them. She grabs Kuma and puts him down along with Kai. Lisa noticed Jennie's shutter and throws in a bunch of random clothes into her luggage before slamming it shut.  
  
"That'll do,Unnie." She mutters proudly , with both hands on both sides of her hips. She drags their luggages out of their dorm with a bright smile on her.  
  
How is she always so cheerful.  
  
How.  
  
God  
  
And maybe it's because Rosé is just naturally careless about what's happening around her, that she just waddles out of the room causally as she hums a familiar tune  
  
"Ah!"  
  
  
Lisa turns around like she forgot something and with one swift motion and slides her hand into Jennie's arm  
  
"Jennie unniee you're too sloww~" she whistles  
  
  
  
Jennie churned out a werid response , but it was most accurate scream she could make while she was dragged away.  
  
She did make one last turn at their dorm. The hallways that were once filled with laughter and late-night jamming were all suddenly quiet. Their rooms were suddenly empty without their owners around, walls started to quiet down and heal. Her ears were drowning in the morning sounds that she would hear everyday where Lisa would come in and jump on her.  
  
<Their dorm  
  


* * *

  
  
  
  
BLACKPINK manages to get away from the crowd by wearing clothes that didnt stand out from " normal people ".  
  
Less fashionable. Jisoo's and Rosé's idea actually. The other two were the most against the idea but clearly didnt want to start a whole debat over the idea so they just went along with it.  
  
Jennie was obviously the least uncomfortable, known for being the human chanel—she has a great sense of fashion. And she going out in such normal clothes just felt different but it reminded her of her trainee days. It's sad to say the people who trained with her back then was no longer with her.  
  
They were eliminated.  
  
And no matter how many times she tried to never think of those harsh times she had—being told she wasnt good at stuff face to face was just reality  
  
  
  
  
Their managers handled all of their belongings and because of that they easily get onto their private plane and took off. Kudos to the managers.  
  
Jennie held her ticket and followed it's numbering.  
  
"A1...6—ah that's where it is." She smiles and puts her minibag on the top shelf. Jennie jumps into the window seat and places her arm on the seat rest before looking away and preparing for the take off  
  
"A1...7—" someone says similarly. Jennie took a peak at her partner for the ride—  
  
Ah. Its Lisa.   
  
Of course it is, there was only a 50/50 chance. Is that her four clover answering to her unneeded wishes? Maybe— Jennie was known to have magic fingers afterall;with luck at a different level than normal beings.  
  
  
That leaves Rosé and Jisoo together. Adorable. "Did you check the animals before we boarded the Aeroplane?" Jisoo asks the team's manager and he nodded in consent explaining that they're perfectly fine. Jisoo was a little uncertain at first but gives in and turns back around to chat with Rosé,Who is clearly starstucken by how the aeroplane looks.  
  
A private plane.  
  
Lisa chuckles at the and puts her hand on Jennie's . "Its nice in here" "we have never been on a private plane." She added.  
  
Jennie doesnt look shock—it was normal for all of the members to touch each other in a friendly way. Much acting training at YG turned her much mature to such situations. Situations that are meant to leave you speechless. Like the current one she Is in now.  
  
Jennie nodded in response"Indeed it is. Look theres even a whole room in a plane–! Now that's first class"  
  
Jennie was born rich. She knew how it was like on a plane. A private plane however, this experience was definitely her first.  
  
<span;>And with her crush. _How very iconic_  
  
<span;>They were surrounded by flush equipment —each updated and new. Everything blended well with each other and everything felt so relaxed and brand new. It was an overall extremely overwhelming experience.  
  
  
"Jennie" Lisa calls her by her name without the Unnie and the roughness in her voice was obvious. "You've been off lately." She weakly mutters trying not to scare the brunette off.  
  
What caught Jennie's attention was how much Lisa's eyes suddenly went dull and lost all its color as she said those words. Those eyes ever lied.  
<span;>Bright and shining with pride when she was excited or happy  
  
And dull and dirty when shes sad or... disappointed or angry. The colors will all form together to create a greyish-black. A color she didnt like—it made her body feel tense and goosebumps would reappear at the thought of it.  
  
"You've been training alot lately, it's as if you're trying to avoid the Group on purpose." Lisa looks at her with her eyebrows frowned. She wasnt sure If her deduction was right but she didnt want to take chances.  
  
Jennie only could look down as she tightly intertwine their fingers together. "Have I? Come on Lisayaaaaa we literally had a whole fight about Whether Kuma or Leo is better at singing. " Lisa's looked at her in unsatisfaction she wasnt impressed by her words. Jennie stifens up again and took a huge sigh.  
  
  
" _I love you."_ Was what she wanted to say but obviously those words will not come out until who knows when.  
  
"I was just trying to perfect the dance moves so I don't pull BLACKPINK down. " Clearly another lie but Lisa was more likely to take this as an answer compared to the previous one that just sounded stupid.  
  
  
  
  
  
Lisa looks down and whimpers. She hates knowing that Jennie is always trying to push herself over her own limits"You're going to be stressing yourself out you know that Jennie?"  
  
 _"Its fine Lisa,"_ She says and puts on a smoothing smile," I rocked in the company for 6 years this is nothing compared to what I've seen " and she turns away even before her last word could be clearly heard by anyone.

"I-" she started something, but decided that she shouldnt continue as she saw Jennie looking down. She hated to see all of this negative energy coming from Jennie.  
  
  
  
Lisa clearly touched a sensitive spot of hers. She sighed and an air of melancholy surrounded her— jennie undoubtedly didn't want to talk to her about it. She was hiding something? Maybe?

As much as Lisa trusts Jennie with her own flipping life—Jennie tends to keep things from everyone and she doesnt like that side of her where she appears to be bold and unbreakable but shes so, so

_Fragile._

  
  
Just like that 2018 incident. Where she was accused of so many things that was barely even her fault.  
  
A small incident caused her to immediately become the most hated Idol in the whole industry despite only debuting for only 2 years?  
  
She seriously dominated the whole kpop world. And was it her fault?  
  
No.  
  
  
Lisa knew Jennie was good at hiding her feelings. Everyone thought that she was complete ignorant about the situation. And that YG was just "protecting" their princess  
  
  
 _But seriously no one knew how much Jennie would cry at night. Every night to sleep._  
  


_How much she would try her best to stay away from the public._  
  
  
 _And how much she avoided going out to buy groceries and taking a short breather from work_  
  
  
 _And how much she stopped doing the things she loved._  
  
 _No one knew._  
  
  
And the worst part? Their own fucking fandom was the one that caused all of this shitty harm to her.  
  
  
Lisa stops her questioning and pinches Jennie's cheek with her free hand.  
"I'm so excited for this Tour, Jennie! " she changes her tone on purpose, " it's been a while since we had a vacation together"  
  
  
"And to Thailand. Your home country." Jennie squeals with pride as she mentions Lisa's home country. Jennie absolutely loved spending time with Lisa's family in Thailand she would vividly recall the times she and her family members met and had multiple dinners together while the two best friends shopped their asses out.  
  
No one could stop them from managing their finances. But God, they had fun.  
  
"What's the first thing you wish to do after our concert ends and we'll have a whole rare week off in Thailand?" The main dancer asked.  
  
"You sure have many questions today huh? Lisa" jennie mocks and looks up " I dont know... maybe visit your family? I miss them as much as you do." She scratches her temple and suddenly she felt a small peck on her cheeks. Her face went thoroughly red. Her cheeks where burning with embarrassment and they were as red as Roses.  
  
  
  
Lisa barely noticed the difference and let out a cheerful smile"that'll be lovely! Let's do that!"  
  
Jennie widens her eyes and nods slowly—she was clearly speechless and could only manage out a "sure." It wasnt the first time Lisa has kissed her in public. And knowing Lisa, this is a common thing she does to all of the members. But it always felt special to Jennie.  
  
" _Hope_ " she thought. It's the hope that she never wanted to get— the hope that Lisa would maybe . Just maybe love her back.  
  
Give her the special treatment that she always wanted.  
  
_Love_ .  
  
  
  


* * *

  
Jennie leans forward and takes out a small Mp3 player and a ear piece. She puts one on Lisa's right ear and one of her own left ear.  
  
  
  
Let's vibe to some music before i accudently doze off." Jennie sheepishly says and unknowingly puts her head on Lisa's.  
  
She started her playlist that consisted of both of their favourite songs. Jennie made sure she had a customised playlist for each of her members just in case they wanted to share her spotify.  
  
  


Today wasn't as bad as she thought it would be. Everything went the way she had thought to be. Somehow it just went a different direction. Jennie didnt know her head was lying on Lisa's shoulders for at least an hour but Lisa didnt move an inch. 

She didnt want to wake jennie up especially since she looked like she was enjoying herself—it looked like as if she had barely gotten any sleep for a long time.

Jennie completely forgets about the pain she had experienced a few hours ago and let's all the happiness shes currently having consume her. She hasnt felt so relaxed in so long.

  
Maybe it's because shes sleeping next to Lisa. She always felt safe around Lisa.

  
Lisa here,

Lisa there.

* * *

"Goodnight Lisa" was Jennie's last words before the dizziness took over her and completely knocked her out.the only color black appear in her screen and her senses all shut down. Lisa always wondered what was in Jennie's mind but today it seemed like she could see through all of her emotions. It was like a pizza peice.

You'll need all pieces of a Pizza to make it whole.

Jennie seemed to be missing a few.

"Goodnight Jennie." Lisa smiles and hopes for the sun to rise soon.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 2nd chapter !! Tysm for waiting I'm so slow it's so gay I hate it >:(


	3. Someone to Cling onto

Its suddenly daylight. The sun rays shone with pride and told time to the Thai. The Rays were clean enough to let its warm light pass though the transparent glass panes but to barely blind her sight was always captivating.   
  


Oh how Lisa wished she had her camera right now. This would have been a very good art in her new hard worked photo gallery.  
  


She always loved the way timezone worked in different country. She felt every part of the world very breathtaking and would love to visit every country when possible. From the spectacular scenery to foods that represented their cultural heritage. She was always keen to learn more about things outside asia .

She had a watch the whole time but noticed that the time didnt match so didnt bother ever checking it after their first concert. It was a waste of time she punned out  
  
  
  
  
"Wake up Nini" Lisa whispers into her tender ears that rings in Jennie's ears peacefully.

  
The way Lisa wakes her up is always so comforting that it stops time and lifts all the weight that shes holding—it's always just so abundant.  
  
It's a fuzzy feeling of comfort. ** _Love blurs your vision; but after it recedes, you can see more clearly than ever.”_**  
  
  
  
Jennie yawns in an adorable tone that makes Lisa wish to tease her more"Are we reaching?" Her voice soft and muted as she leaned her head on Lisa's shoulder.

  
"Yes Unnie" Lisa says and plants a kiss on her cheeks. "Here I'll grab your things" Lisa motions and picks up her bag from the top shelf.  
  
<span;>Jennie was about to reply with the cutest sound she could make. Instead, her body suddenly shakes and it shocks her more than it shocked Lisa. The main dancer sees Jennie lean down and grab her shirt as she bit her lip. She forcefully gritted her teeths and held down groans that she wanted to cough out. She mutters a few korean curse words unintentionally but it really wasnt her fault.  
  
 _Come on_  
  
 _Who wouldnt curse when they are going to sound like they are dying._  
  
  
 _Yeah that's a fucking no-brainer_  
  
  
  
Jennie swallows a whole block of air and tightens her skin. She pinches her eyes tight and Hopes that the pain ends quickly. She tightens her lips with loft-like glue and it was surprisingly effective cause it wasnt glue but saliva that she wanted to spit. But an idol doing that on board would not affect well on her overall behaviour.  
  
  
  
It wasn't anything major and feels like it's a simple ache in the stomach. Like butterflies but replaced with bees and hives that formed inside.  
  
  
  
  
Lisa looked down in genuine concern  
"Jennie? Unnie? " she says as she reaches her hand out to help her member "are you okay?"

  
  
" _Yeah_ ," Jennie winks weakly."wait, I need a quick toilet break." She still thinks it's the contractions from her periods that happens every month or so. Sure, YG makes them take Pills to delay the bleeding but they are still humans and humans?

  
Play by the gods rules.  
  
  
Lisa nods and does nothing more because she didnt want to disturb her privacy. And jennie appreciates the thought very much. She was always fond of her members protecting her.  
  


"Be quick Unnie. The plane is landing soon." Lisa reassures her.  
  
Jennie waves a quick sign,"I'll be back in a swift!"  
  


Jisoo turns around when she sees Jennie rushing to the plane toilet in a hurry "what's wrong?" She mouths —careful that no one gets disturbed. Lisa realises that and signals back with a "okay" that included a soft smile.  
  
Rosé blinked and pressed her eyes on the two idiotic crackhead—then she notices the disappearance of Jennie. Jisoo was about to tell her that it was fine by tapping on her shoulder—  
  
  
<span;>"IS JENNIE UNNIE OKAY?" Rosé shouts from across the rows. Completely ignoring that fact that some BLACKPINK staff maybe still resting in the plane. Jisoo stiffens up and rests her head on her hand with a sigh.  
  
"Welp" she wheezed "I tried"

  
"Try harder, Chaeyoung still screamed." Lisa mimicked back.

  
"Shut up Lalisa." She whispered with the anticipation to strangle her member.

  
"No chicken for you later" she mocks and teases the oldest. Jisoo relented in their very interesting friendship and both made their way to scold Rosé—

  
<span;>Rosé notices nothing and continues to hum to a familiar tune. The pair gives in and Lisa told her through their made up sign language that Jennie had to go to the toilet for a while."ooo" she gestured with her mouth unknowingly she didnt made a big reaction out of it as she felt it was unneeded.  
  
<span;>Jennie did suffer from many symptoms afterall. The team waa used to her going to the toilet even when she didnt really needed too. It was for her sake so no one minded.  
  
  
  
" _Well fuck_ "

She curses under her breath. "Its not a stomach ache, it's not my goddamn reproductive system either." Jennie bawled in disgust.  
  
She rolled her eyes in much annoyance and sat on the toilet seat while clutching her legs together.

  
The mirror was right infront.  
  
<span;>"Am I gaining weight?" Jennie checks her stomach. She was thinner than a fucking bamboo. " I think that's it" she muttered.  
  
<span;>Everything was silent before she broke. She suddenly felt that she was no complete control over her emotions.  
  
  
"What's happening to me." She cries and In her tears that keep her soul alive in the furnace of this pain.  
  
They cannot extinguish what has been. Or will be. Cold streams of tears rolled down her cheeks uncontrollably. Her feet stopped moving but her fingers were aching in cold.  
  
Jennie tried to form sentences but her efforts were in obvious vain. "What the fuck is happening to me." She curses weakly.  
  
She never felt this type of pain. Like  
  
 _Ever._  
  
  
"I love you " she says as if shes dying and she really is. She doesnt know what's even going to happen to her.  
  
" I _love you lisa"_  
  
<span;>"I love you that I wish you to know and that I dont fucking cate what happens to me and i-" she cries again. " I hate myself for being so weak. I'm sorry i- I shouldnt be so fucking selfless god. " she grunts and held on to her stomach again.  
  
  
<"No" Jennie pauses" _I'm fine"_  
  
  
She steps out of the toilet fresh as if nothing happened.  
  
That's _Jennie Kim._  
  
  
  


* * *

  
The moment the famous girl group took a step out of their planes—they were completely surrounded by fans from all different sides. The crowd roared and cheered that even the security guards had a hard time keep them away from the group.the fans were <welcome and fair—with mighty claps and screaming with great vigor and much exaggeration.

  
The floor vibrated with much movement and flowers that bloomed in all different seasons were thrown all the floor. Favourite toys of the 4 member group were randomly placed to make sure that they noticed and maybe—maybe took it home as a gift. The PINKs always loved the thought of their fans giving them so many gifts that they would feel bad of they didnt pick up something a take it home with them.

  
<

And the posters. God,

  
  
_Especially the posters._  
  
  
Posters that had written BLACKPINK out loud. Thailand fans that were proudly announcing the arrival of their queens—and especially Lisa who came from Thailand herself and made a name for herself. She never felt that she was ever good enough to even be their idol—idol whether or not it was for dancing, singing, or rapping. In any case she would put herself in the position that she was never good enough  
  
  
People would think she just being problematic and reverberating.  
  
The 4 humble queens would put their crowns down and take a bow before they pulled they belongings with them.  
  
<span;>Jennie clinged hard onto Lisa while Rosé and Jisoo was approaching the fans and doing quick conversations with them to keep them entertained. Actually, all 4 of them loved to interact with BLINKs but Lisa could tell that jennie just wanted this to end quickly.  
  
  
Jennie whinces again as bee stings became attracted to her again. She grabs on to the nearest member that happens to be Lisa—and without much words she pulls Jennie in and made sure shes as comfortable as possible. "You're alright?" The thai checked again.  
  
Jennie had already prepared her lines for such cases"Panic attacks are reoccurring and its very..."

  
" persistent " Lisa finishes. "Its been coming back alot lately—you sure it's okay?"  
  
<span;>She checks her surroundings and whistles to herself "maybe—you know how much I hate cameras coming into my face"  
  
" _i_ _do_ "  
  
Its intriguing because its Lisa that knows Jennie best. From the clothes they would wear to the way they spoke to each other. Even silent staring would be competent for the both of them .

  
"Here."

  
Lisa places her bucket hat on top of Jennie just so those stupid long flashes would not notice her change in mood. Ever since that 2018 incident, reporters just wouldnt stop finding excuses and lies to fill up newspapers to sprout lies alll over the internet about Jennie Kim.  
  
<span;>Rosé picked up her speed and sang a song towards the older one ears. As expected from the main vocalist.  
  
"Rain rain go away—"  
  
"Come again another day." Jennie quivered with chipped lips under the mask, despite that she still managed to hit the notes perfectly.  
  
  
Lisa whipped in and sang along with the small group. Jisoo joined them a while later after handling the Fans personal letters and gifts, she grabs the most that she can for the team and hands it over to their managers.  
  
Kudos to the managers.  
  
  
  
"Nini look down." Lisa pressures and held one of Jennie's hand tightly, and with the other she helped to block the flashes of cameras. "Don't show your face." She begs—and jennie wasn't in any mood to refuse such a kind action.  
  
  
Their bodyguards made way for the group to get out of the crowd that were filling up they airport. Every corner had a blink that was wishing to thank the group members in person. Lisa would love to say a few words in Thai but she relented and figured that this wasn't a good time and that they should go straight to their hotel and let Jennie rest first.  
  
  
They were quiet for most of their trip. Perhaps it's because everyone knew deep down that there was really no need to speak about the situation.

  
And that , really they were all just sore from the long plane ride. It's a fact—that a dancer's legs can't sit still for more than 4 hours. Itll go hysterical and start being over reactive again.

* * *

  
  
  
"Who do you want to stay with this time Jennie?" Her personal managers asks as she makes notes on her tablet. A timetable of their soon to be continuous training for the concert.  
  
  
  
"Jisoo" jennie calls out for her best friend with much fatigue In her voice. "Its only natural to let the younger two stay together." She forged sentences after sentences. To be honest, lying was never her forte but she was already making things look very obvious.  
  
And sticking with Lisa will just leak her secret out for she really went scratch that idea and decided to stay with Jisoo

  
"Noted" her manager takes notice and types it down quickly.

  
Lisa and Rosé at the back started making more noise then usually, finally throwing the car's pillows to each other . No one minded accept for the fact Jennie was just slightly jealous.  
  
Slightly.  
  
Then suddenly it was just quiet again. The whole car excitement toned down alot when the two best friends stop annoying each other. Jensoo didnt EXACTLY like the silence but felt that there was really no need to walk around with numerous cursing.  
  
"Lisa or Rosie can you grab my ear piece for me at the back?" Jennie said in a favourable tone  
  
Jisoo looked at her confused"I thought it was with you"

  
"I slept with it in the plane." Jennie bawled " and I think lisa took it down for me and I hope it's with her" she has much trust in Lisa.

  
"Oh yeah!" Lisa jumps " it's with me, here you go Unnie." She reaches for her pockets and hands over her fashionable ear piece.  
  
  


"Thanks"

"No problem " lisa reacts.

  
And that was their last sentence until they got off the car. They stayed on their phone for ages before actually putting it down and fixing their make up and looks.  
  
<Rosé was the only one who kept a lookout for the team. She said that she was bored and that there was really no need for more constructive criticism about the way her make up went. She loved it either ways. Simple.

  
  
Rosé found the two very entertaining and loved their relationship; Lisa and Jennie she meant. She was the type of friend that loved so see things bloom. She believed in everything nice—fairytales , santa claus, the tooth fairy. She was always like this. But little did she know that her fairytale may take a dark twist. That when a girl falls in love with a girl. And a simple forbidden love that happens in every story.  
  
This time. An Idol who falls in love with another idol of the same gender.

  
Rosé was a very sophisticated person. At one point she would be very private abou her life, the next she would be soamming pictures and allow the BLINKS to enjoy themselves with the very pictures she posted.  
  
Everyone loved that side of her.

* * *

  
And Jisoo was just being Jisoo, pressing on the different games that she had installed in her phone to keep herself entertained. She wasnt the type to chit chat alot unless there was an actual need to. However her sense of humor was accumulate. Everyone would love a friend like Jisoo.  
  
She was similar to Jennie—who was always a perfectionist whenever it came down to almost anything. She made sure things went well or she would do it herself.

  
And seeing that her group was doing quite fine without her endless nagging about how they should learn to protect themselves from the paparazzis gave her a go that they can be left silent.

  
And that's why the whole fucking car ride was—  
  
"JENNNNNNNIEEEE"  
  
 _Quiet_.  
  
  
 _Great. Just great_.

  
"Yes?" Jennie questions, completely unaffected by the sudden change in her vocal cords.  
  
<span;>Lisa jumps onto her from the backseat"Let's go shopping later"  
  
<span;>"Our finances will burst Lisa." Jennie laughs

  
"That's the point. We ain't no good for each other man— we literally cant stop each other." Lisa pouts but was persistent with shopping with the black haired girl.

  
"Fine fine let's go Lalisa" jennie laughs " What about the boh of you ?" She turns and asks about Rosé and Jisoo.  
  


"Oh, we will be fine ourselves " Rosé blinked and takes Jisoo 's hand " we, will be on a lunch date ourselves" she states proudly. Loud and clear.

  
"Chaeyoung since when—" jisoo blinked

  
Rosé stared blankly at her "You dont wanna spent time with me?" She pouts and acted like she was going to cry. "YA UNNIE WHY" she shakes the oldest uncontrollably. They then realised that they had reach their destination and somehow Jisoo agreed to have that lunch date with Rosé 

* * *

  
They made a fast check in at the Hotel lobby and immediately made their way to the beds. Jennie got to work and started to sort out her clothes and essentials—Jisoo decided to join in as well with the umpacking as she knew they were going out soon. And the fast they get this done the faster they can enjoy themselves in thailand

  
"Its funny for you to want to be in the same room as me" jisoo states and pinches Jennie's cheeks.

  
"Whatttt that's not trueee" she motioned and spoke English. She uses English when she wishes to answer someone suspiciously. She really prefers switching between the two languages, and since she has been tutoring Jisoo in English it has been slightly more relaxing for the brunette.  
  
Jisoo shakes her head"You've been soooooo clingy to Lisa nowadays."

  
"Am I not clingy to you?" Jennie says tackles Jisoo.

  
"Not as clingy as you are to Lisa—"  
  
  
Jennie flinched. She quickly fizzled up and scrambled around to find the correct words. "Of course, we are good friends afterall" she proudly promised.  
  
"I swear yall are like kissing and hugging everywhere like an old couple" Jisoo mocks.  
  
"No what-"

  
Suddenly,A hard knock on the door interrupts their conversation   
"Yall are sure taking your time to chit chat there huh." They questioned and continued to annoying the older ones with their non stop knocking.   
  
"Yes we are coming" jisoo finally stands up, "we will continue this conversation later Kim Jennie" she leaves with a pat on the now-stunt girl before walking out to meet Rosé.  
  
  
"Are you coming Nini?" Lisa says and takes a peak into their hotel room. "Theres no need to changes clothes , thailand is fuckin' hot unlike korea—we can manage with simple clothes"   
  
Jennie smiles once and tosses herself onto Lisa and hugged her arm tightly 

" yeah I'm ready let's go Lili."  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi everyone! Sorry for the week wait. I had a hard time writing this chapter because I wanted to express the emotions of Jennie kim in this one. Plus, I wanted to give Rosé and Jisoo more screentime in this one. I'm sorry if it was quite a wait I promise to do better! Please give your opinions in the comment section!:D
> 
> -  
> ALSO OH MY GOD LISA LISA LISA YOUR DANCE OH MY GOD HER DANCE. AND JENNIE VLOG OF THE SHOW. PLEASE STREAM IT IN THEIR YOUTUBE CHANNEL!!!


	4. 'Trainee days — do you remember?"

Heat waves surrounded the BLACKPINK members. Wind blew slightly on their tender faces and covered them with a wave of sunlight. It was like the sun was angered and blasted endless sun Rays at them. And according to Lisa, she assumed that was the right reason why Thailand was near the equator.  
  
  
Lisa didnt like talking about that though. Never enjoyed Geography according to her—its a subject she never enjoyed no matter how many times the members tried to make it fun for her.  
  
Ew.  
  
  
The Orange and yellow mixed together to form the perfect colors for a burning sensation. The humid weather in thailand didnt make the weather sound any better.  
  
Everyone around them wore hats to avoid the sun directly hitting their faces and giving them a harsh sunburn.  
  
  
Lisa had long warned Jennie —and let's not forget the other two,about the heat in Thailand. Especially because she had lived there for more than half of her life, she is basically accustomed to living in the hot and humid Thailand. Because unlike South Korea, where everything is just chilly and degrees would rarely go above 20 degrees , Thailand was so hot that Lisa mentioned she once saw people coooing eggs on the floor. The only good weather she experienced was when Thailand goes through their monsoon seasons every year.  
  
But takes too long, she says. Not worth it.  
  
  
  
They had arrived at Bangkok an hour ago and is already getting ready to spent money. Lisa had picked out her favourite place to shop back then when she was in a dance group in Thailand. Her fashion sense never changed even tim  
  
"You were right. Its fricking burnin' " Jennie muzzled Lisa shoulders and tried to hide from the sun. "God. "  
  
  
"You're legally not allowed to curse outside Unnie." Lisa reminded her softly "What if you get caught?"  
  
"We won't ~" Jennie reassures, " it's our day. And no one will ruin it." She picks the hat that she wore and adjusted it handsomely. "But then again, let's try not to stand out." Lisa nodded and tried to act slightly cool and collected around Jennie. She described herself as a person that prefers to be able to be a good role model especially now that this is her Homecountry they are in.  
  
  
They had a great time shopping together—with Lisa offering to hold Jennie's baggage the whole time. The two famous idols made their way to a place Jennie wanted to go. It was a place that showcased many different types of hats and glasses of different brands. The place was mostly dark and black just for the vibe and aesethtic. Fairy lights of only selected colors were carried out at perfect lengths and everything felt right.

  
They enjoyed shopping meeting unique stores that had their only style.  
  
  
"I wanted to buy another bucket hat—mainly hat today I realised how much I liked it after you put it on me just now in the airport." She calmly walked in, " Lisaya,comere and pick one for me that you think will fit me. " Jennie motioned to Lisa and pointed out the different hats that hanged on different colored rags and drawers.

  
Lisa looked up straight and was also wondering what would fit her partner of the day. She thought that Dull colors would definitely bring out her charisma but then again she thought about how it was also burning in Thailand and wearing dull colors would only make things worse.

  
As a ambassador of Chanel, Jennie had a great taste in Famous and was extremely picky without she wears out even on a casual day.

  
"What about this?" Lisa reaches out a gives a white bucket hat to Jennie. Similar to the one she has. "We can match!"

  
Jennie was surprised at the taller one's reaction and collected the hat that she had picked out. "This looks nice." She commented and turned the hat around. It had a little "j" sewn on top of it. It matches her fit and she was impressed.

  
"Like it Nini?" Lisa praised and cornered her hands around her shoulders. " I know, I'm such a caring person." Lisa whispered.  
  
"I have no idea what you're talking about Lisa." Jennie chuckled and their endless conversation.

  
They had alot of fun trying out different fits that they had thought to catch their attention. But Jennie, being a very fixated person and always sticked to what she thought was best decided to pick what Lisa had first taken time to choose for her.

  
"Should I pay first—?"  
  
Lisa nods but remained quiet and that caught Jennie's attention. "I think we were" lisa pauses,"—slightly louder than usual today." She commented and pointed at the many people that surrounded the shop they were in. Many of them taking pictures and talking to themsleves. Most the questions being directed to the blackpink members.  
<span;>"What do you mean—" jennie blurted and cut herself when she realised what Lisa was trying to tell her.

  
Fans has found their location and managed to track them down —or more like people passed by and saw two couple-like people mocking and laughing at each other's silliness and noticed that it was from the most famous girl group which that motioned them to stop and look. And also take photos non-stop —and lets not forget the amount of people that would go crazy just over Lisa. Thailand being her homecountry and all.  
  
  
As much as the duo didnt want to stand out from the crowd, their endless shouting and screaming gathered so much attention that everyone turned around and gave them a werid stare before realising that their idols were surrounding them the whole time.

  
" _Crap_ " Jennie blurted out again," this is going to be a problem—we were so excited that I keep forgetting that we are fucking idols."  
  
"You curse alot lately Unnie." She jokes but didnt mind her behaviour. Even though they were legally not allowed to curse, they accidentally do so at times and it is honestly not surprising.

  
They are human too afterall.

  
Lisa grabbed her hands and held it firmly—firmly making sure that she doesnt let go accidentally. "Shouldn't it be a bigger problem for me?" Lisa says and scanned her surroundings. On lookers were muttering words and questioning whether it's really her in Thailand. Lisa has made quite a name for herself ever since her debut. Being the first foreigner to debut in YG, she caught the attention of millions.  
  
"Well, should we leave then?" Jennie judged and got ready to put the items down. But before she could, she was stopped.  
  
"No, Unnie I think it'll only capture more attention." Lisa reassures and told her to just act cool around people. It really doesnt matter until everyone rushes up to them to ask for a photo or two. "Plus,iit's our day off. I'm not going to let some camera flashes ruin our day of privacy. "  
  
Jennie looked at her cold eyes and Lisa looked like she was seriously honest with whatever she was saying.

  
Jennie knew that this was the type of girl she fell in love with. The type of girl that never let anything go haywire. And out of point. The type of girl that would protect her when she's at her lowest. The type of girl that would stop everything and run to you when she feel like something's off and that you would need at least some comfort.  
  
  
Yeah. That type of girl was directed at Lisa. One of her kind.  
  
  
"Alright then—let's pay and get moving shall we?" Jennie smiles and gave Lisa and hug. Lisa hasn'tet go of her grip yet. That is how much Lisa is protective of every single member in Blackpink. Jennie knows she not any different from them.  
  
Lisa gives a nod and they move forward. They did have a hard time declining all the fans. People were shoving everyone around just to see the girls in person. They had to protect themselves by holding their hands up and shaking their heads. Some fans were understanding and stepped away. Others? Didnt bother and only wanted to be selfless. Such Fans are such a disappointment really.  
  
  
Panic attacks come frequently for the brunette. Her voice cracks and her heart rate increases. Her body starts going crazy all of sudden and her eyesight will start to fade. Her brain would be in a mess and headaches would attack her inconsistently.

  
Lisa became scared when the crowd started to gather around Jennie uncontrollably. "Ni—you okay?"she checks. Jennie closed her eyes and checked her heart rate. "Take a slow breath—dont break down." Lisa presses.

  
Jennie frowns and looks down. She didnt like being so weak."I'm fine, Let's go lisa."  
They managed to push themselves out of the crowd. "Let's make a run for it!" She screams and lisa grabs her hand and led the way.

  
They knew it would turn out like this when they didnt have any bodyguards surrounding their asses. But the both agreed that this was truely their own own privacy and that they are tired of how much bodyguards would just take a peak at listening into their conversations.

  
_"That was fun."_   
  


"Fun?" The older one says while she took time to catch her breath. "Which part was fun. The endless running from HYPED-up fans or us shopping for usless items while no one stops us?"  
  
She takes a pinch or two from Jennie but didnt mind it at all "both"  
  


"Great. Cause we both almost died down there. Me, included." Jennie concluded that it was much better without BLINKs chasing them everywhere they went but she couldnt disagree when Lisa said that it was much more relaxing when they were away from YG ENTERTAINMENT in general.

* * *

  
  
They went on shopping for hours before finally deciding to take a break in their separate hotel rooms.<span;>While they were waiting for Jisoo and Rosé to return back from their "quick lunch break" they both returned to their hotel rooms and had their own free time.

  
But after a while both of them thought that it was really too boring to be staring at their phones and the endless tagging from their instagram accounts.  
<span;>"Its all around the news already" Jennie says as she snuggled her whole body around Lisa. Her face right on top of her chest. Her legs were all over Lisa's body and they seriously looked like they were dating but they were really just two very good friends that have known each other for as long as they can remmeber.

  
Lisa was enjoying herself casually with her head on the bed rest and her left hand combing on Jennie's hair. Her right hand was just mindlessly scrolling though Instagram. "Theres at least a few thousand posts about us going out." She sighed and showed the Dumpling a favourite tag of her's.  
  
"Heres one speculating that we are dating."

  
Jennie could have swore she almost choked on her own saliva. She panicked and sat up almost immediately. "Show me that" she wheezed and picked up Lisa's phone.

  
There was a picture of the both them holding hands and picking our coloured hats.The picture was very well taken, at, at least a 720 pixel picture. She bit her lip and read the article which was in english.

  
"Should I read it out loud Lisa?" Jennie nudges and asked if the younger one if she wanted to read what the text had said about them.  
<span;>Lisa only reacted with a big smile on her face"Sure, I havent read It yet afterall —bring it on."

  
She nods, took a breath and started off with a kick in the tuning of their iconic names.  
  
" _JENNIE & LISA at a shop in Bangkok and fans are now speculating that the both idol are currently in a relationship, breaking the LGBT stereotypes. "_ jennie pauses, "however, there are many people who disagree as YG ENTERTAINMENT, do not allow their idols to date."

  
She looked down. "This isn't something new." Jennie weakly muttered as she recalled dating Kai. 3 years has passed since then but it's still engraved in her mind on how the media treated her when the news broke out.  
  
She knew she had long let go of that situation and because of that she couldn't sleep when she found out that she has been in love with Lisa this whole time. She returns Lisa's phone and laid down on her lap  
  
Jennie always wondered why she could never keep secrets—that was because her mind is so used to saying so many truths."What do you feel about this Lisa?"  
  
"About what?"

  
"This." Jennie repeats "this whole thing"  
  
<span;>"Hmmm..." Lisa takes a moment to think, " I honestly have nothing against LGBT. I support each and every one of them. Such brave people. Everyone is human too, I dont expect everyone to love the same gender you know? "  
  
  
Jennie widens her smile"You're so nice, too nice for this cruel world." She whispers.

  
"That's not true at all Nini~ im just saying what I think is right. Also...You're pretty today,Unnie." Lisa complements. " but then again, you're pretty everyday. I'm glad I met you first thank you you've taught me so much I really dont think I would be here if it really wasnt for you." she corrects.  
  
"You worked hard yourself Lisa." Jennie bawled," I only helped you a little—do you remember our trainee days?." She says sneakily and constantly moved around Lisa's arms. It was warm and cozy according to her. Better than any bloster and pillow you can find out there.  
  
"Which one?" Lisa caresses.

  
"The days where you would stay up till 4am at midnight training so hard. Practicing your korean and dance at the same time. You worked the hardest. Or perhaps the days that we went out during our day offs and you would often treat us to dinner and lunches. " Jennie vividly recalls , "it even the days that you would help chase though huge insects out because you know how much I absolutely hated them." Saying all of this already sent chills down her spine.

  
Lisa giggled and gave Jennie a huge hug"You really did hate them."  
  
<span;> _But can you recall the days after we debut and I found out I'm in love with you and it's been so long. How many months has it been. How many nights has passed since the day I realised my mind is only filled with thoughts about you._  
  
"I do. I do recall them—they're all precious memories to me Nini." Lisa snorted. She was in favor if Jennie today. "You know how overprotective I am right?"  
  
  
"I do."

  
 _But its not only to me._  
  
Jennie agreed,"I find it sweet—the youngest who seems to hold the most responsibility into taking care of us."

  
Lisa pulls Jennie into a tighter hug and cherished her time with her. She pressed her face close to her cheeks and was hardened to let Jennie go.  
  


* * *

  
  
  
" IM BAACK—" Someone slams the door open. However, upon seeing the two member wrapped up together, she took a step back and examined the situation. "What the— what are yall doing in my room?" Rosé blinked and placed a few fingers on her chin.

  
"Our, our room Chaeyoung. " Lisa corrects and sat up straight " can't you see? We are curling up and enjoying each other's company."  
  
Rose rolled her eyes."our, room. That still doesnt explain why Jennie unnie is here"

  
"I'm sorry Chaeyoung, are you bothered? Me and Lisa were just bored when waiting for you and Jisoo's arrival." Jennie notices Rosé's teasing and went along with the fun.

  
Rosé shook her head and apologised for their misunderstanding. Jennie only laughed it off and decided to go back to her room where Jisoo was just casually waiting for her best friend to return.

  
She has yet to notice her disappearance to Lisa's room.  
  
"Ah! JENDUKIE" Jisoo replied As she was caught off guard by Jennie reappearance. "What took you so long?"  
  
Jennie greeted her best friend with a smile"I was in Lisa's room the whole time Unnie."  
  
"Ah." She says nothing more ,"should have known. Lisa again."  
  
Jennie looked concerned for a moment. Her cheeks puffed and her fingers started fidgeting on its own. "You're always with Lisa. Like I've said earlier, it's like the both of you are no longer sepratable."  
  
Jisoo turned around and started to make funny faces at Jennie. "Its like the both of you are in love or something. 

"Yeah, right—" jennie presses Jisoo to chnage the topic as she was getting uncomfortable with the idea of talking about her crush. But Jisoo doesnt know that yet.

"I'm just saying—Jennie you know how worried I am about you—what if you end up like 3 years ago—"

Jennie hated it. She hated how weak she was whenever anybody mentioned her past. Especially her past lover. "No." She sternly says. "It wont Unnie."

Jisoo was taken aback. She sighs and apologises for not thinking ahead. Jennie knew she didnt do it on purpose so she immediately forgave her and reminded that it was her fault in the first place.

"I think we should get some rest before dinner time. We have a whole day of rehearsals tommrow." Jisoo reminded jennie and offered to put her phone down for her. Jennie paused for a second there but given in as she knew Jisoo was right.

"Mmhm." 

* * *

"What do you think Jennie thinks about me?" Lisa questions Rosé and rolled around their bed. " she hasnt been looking the best lately. Do you think shes avoiding me?" 

Rose double checks that she wasn't hearing things. Lisa? Asking such questions? Now that's rare.

"I doubt, lisa. I doubt. Jennie unnie loves all of us too much. It might just be her condition worsening. "

"I'm worried. " lisa spoke. 

"Arent we all?" 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the slower update today! I'll try to update every week. Their relationship will be a slightly slower burn one!
> 
> Please give kudos if you enjoyed the chapter and comment on how I can improve!


	5. Your comfort is truely impenetrable.

You must be wondering. How could things ever go wrong with the way the band is handling the relationship now. I mean, you see them perfecting almost everything on camera.  
  
  
Well, Jisoo was an extremely observant unnie and always bragged about how she would top the class back in high school. So no surprise on that part. She would always the first person to figure things out and would also the the first person to jump into solutions whenever needed.   
  


On the other hand,Jennie is an extremely selfless person and always tried to make life better gor the other 3 members even if she herself had to fuck things up. No, I'm not implying Jisoo isnt—but Jennie really takes her time to make sure everyone's mental health is stable.   
  
Her methods can sometimes be very obvious. So yeah, knowing that her ways of showing her love for Lisa may sometimes be obvious as well.   
  


And for the other two?   
  


Rosé and Lisa were both just like twins. Completely oblivious of their surrounds and were like the happiest people alive. Truely, one of their kind. That's why there was always a slim chance of Lisa finding out Jennie's love for her. Jennie knew that as well. However, the both cared very much for their unnies despite how they behaved.   
  


So, throughout the whole time they were apart after their shopping spree,Jennie's thoughts went like this.   
  
the company of Lisa filled her mind and every now and then she would think about how she warped her arms around her waist and pulled her close.   
  
Or , occasionally she would think about how Lisa brought up the fact fans were speculating about them dating.   
  


Either of those things until she dees Jisoo walk out the bath with a towel drowned around her shoulders. Then she would recall how she was mentally scolded for being too close to Lisa.   
  
Yeah, it was all about her girl crush. She tried to think about Kuma who was rubbing his brown fur on her, or how he rolled around the bed adorably.   
  
Jennie couldnt help it either.   
  
"Its not my fault." She murmurs and scrolls her phone. "I just—just can't take my mind off her."   
  


And oh, did I mention that she had been talking to herself alot in the past 2 hours?   
  
Like Jisoo thinks Jennie has gone haywire. Like how Her screws arent screwed in properly and how her head is filled with water.  
  
  
"Hey" she whispers and Jennie jumped—she has been to engrossed with her own thoughts that even her phone was having the wrong side. Jisoo didnt even want to talk about how shes been performancing lately. "Your phone is on the wrong side what the fuck have you been scrolling through for the past 10 minutes. "   
  
"N-nothing "   
  
"You're stammering." Jisoo backs up in English.   
  
"I'm NOT! God I shouldn't have taught you english."   
  


Jennie turns away and changes her phone direction. "I'm just focusing on our concert"   
  
"God, you're terrible at lying." She remarked and snatches her phone away. "Tell me the truth."  
  
  
Jennie panics and presses Jisoo to hand her phone back to her. There was much shouting across the hotel room she was site the younger two was about to hear.   
  
Afterall, They always requested for connected rooms no matter what

* * *

  
  
They had enjoyed dinner together yesterday. A fancy one—in which Jennie paid for their meals. 

  
"No, Lisa" Jennie says through the arguing in the band " we enjoy your hospitality but we can't have you paying all of our meals." Lisa has been throwing her credit cards on almost all of their meals since they have arrived. The members knew how rich they were but were always humble about it —but lisa has gone insane. They even promised to take turns treating each other even before they boarded the plane.  
  
  
"I have not"   
  
Lisa rolls her eyes and sticked her chest out. Jennie felt bad for clashing with her best friend but still picked up the bill and placed her credit card on it. She picks herself up,slides beside the sulking younger member and leans on her.   
  


"We appreciate it Lisa. Thank you for showing us around Thailand." Jennie smiles and gives lisa a kiss on the cheek  
  
  
 _Allow me to highlight,_  
  
 _on the cheek._   
  


Lisa flustered like a little kitten on loose and made a small gasp. She stopped her cute pouting and looked at the floor.   
  
Jisoo claps at the Kim's victory "finally—damn you're hard to please. well done Jennie we should do that more often now. Plus, It's rare to see you become to touchy with Lisa. Should've recorded that down."   
  


Rosé gives a cute laugh and nudges Lisa. "In shock?"   
  


Lisa pops right back up onto her seat"Perhaps"   
  
Their dinner went well, no disruption was the public cameras as they requested a private table. And right after that they had already dragged their feets back to their hotel rooms and the first thing they did was to lay flat on their beds   
  
"God, I miss the comfort of beds." Rosé groans after a long day out. "I enjoyed the luxury of foods today—Thailand really have a huge variety of them I'm glad we came here." Lisa shows a big smile towards her twin. 

"I know right." She was trying to imply how great Thailand was without going too much into the details.   
  
Rose snuck back into the fluffy bedsheets and grabbed her phone."Did you and Jennie unnie have fun?" She asks between the conversations she was typing on her cell phone.  
  
  
Lisa throws countless upside down frows at Rosé and bragged alot about their day trip"Of course we did; we literally visited the whole of Bangkok at this point. Went to places we always wanted, shopped our asses of—despite the countless phone cameras target at us."   
  
"Ah, paparazzi?"   
  
She shrugs her shoulders calmly,"Yeah. Spotted us despite the many shades of clothes and glasses we were wearing" Lisa went ahead at fed her kitten, Leo who was rolling about on the floor—seeking much attention from his mother.   
  
The Pinks only bought Kuma and Leo for the Bangkok trip because Jennie and Lisa couldnt stand being alone without at least one of their pets. They had managed to convince their managers to bringing them along for at least this trip. They finally gave in and booked a hotel that allowed pets to roam freely even in their hotel rooms.   
  
One reason they gave in was because they knew the Both pet lovers have trained their pets well and were easier to manage.   
  
Rosé and Lisa decided not to press more on the countless photos taken by fans and spoke about their day trip in Thailand. Lisa showed the countless photos she has taken to Rosé—with most of them bring Jennie wearing different branded clothes. It was indeed impeccable.   
  


"And this was when we were in the Hat store—" lisa shows the blonde cheerfully, her hands being all over the place. "And this was when we took lunch together —"   
  
<Rosé screamed whenever she saw how Jennie was dressed. Everything fitted her perfectly like a puzzle peice. No matter what Lisa picked, Jennie would always seem to wear it comfortably —whether it was a one peice clothing or a multi layered outfit.   
  
"She looks good" Rosé commented at almost all the pictures that she took and Lisa was just smirked the whole way through.   
  
"Right?" 

  
Her duality was simply truely impenetrable.   
  
< Their endless sharing went on for at least 2 hours before they decided to call it a day  
<span;>—both changing into the sleeping entire and heading straight to bed.  
  
  
Back in the older girl's room,Jisoo was having a mental check on Jennie who has been acting abnormally despite only observing her for a few hours.  
  
  
  
"Well." Jisoo breaks the silence, " we slept alot today. Especially after lunch"   
  


They did. Lisa and Rosé had to bash into their rooms through their connecting doors to wake the sleeping intoxicated buddies up.   
  
"Theres no exact time for sleeping , Unnie" Jennie says as she walks into the bathrooms and picks out a pyjamas that Lisa had gifted on her birthday. 

  
"Thats—" Jisoo points out   
  
Jennie cloes the door behind her, winks and replies "Lisa's gift , yes." 

  
Jisoo pressed her fingers on her forehead and sighs " I was talking about the new phone case."   
  
Jennie came out minutes later with her adorable yellow-teddy pyjamas, sure it was oversized for her thin waist but nevertheless she liked it alot. Jisoo didnt press on further about her thoughts on how clingy she was to Lisa. Sure, she has mentioned this countless times to Jennie but it wasnt like Jennie Listened anyways. 

  
Instead, she decided to talk about another sensitive topic.   
  
"In the plane," Jisoo starts, "and in the airport —did you have an attack at both times?" She focuses her eyes on Jennie who was busy petting Kuma. "And put Kuku down —this is important Jennie."   
  


Kuma barks continuously at Jisoo when he heard his name —damn, kuma never barked this much before. "Why? What's wrong ?" Jennie asks and leans on her best friend.

  
  
"I'm asking you a a question Jennie, answer me" that gave Jennie a slight shock—sure, she has heard Jisoo being extremely serious before and it never felt good.   
  


She left a few kisses on Kuma before putting him down on the carpet allowing him to run everywhere.   
  


"I was just wasn't feeling too well Jisoo" Jennie dropped the formalities. "I also made sure I bought my medication". The pair has made an silent agreement that whenever they were to make a serious yalk they would speak to each other naturally. 

  
"That still doesn't answer my question Jennie." Jisoo retaliated "it's not normal for you to go into a attack twice in such a short time—is there something else you're not telling me?"  
  
  
  
 _Well, fuck. Jisoo knows me too well its scaring me_. Jennie swears inside her mind—her thoughts were all fighting in her head for Dominance. 

  
There was. There was something that she couldnt even tell herself. Something that she has yet to submit herself to. The endless aching that turned her body monstrous. The pain that killed her instantly. The same pain that would torment her body for hours and leave her motionless. It takes her breath away and takes off all of her intake for oxygen. 

  
That's the pain she wouldn't describe. The type of pain that she cant tell her friends no matter what.   
  


Jennie tries to hold back her tears by clutching the bedsheets. Her lips chipped together like theres no tommrow,Her eyes close to burning. Her body close to breaking. She hated lying to Jisoo. The only lifeline she had right now was Blackpink, her friends and Lisa. She couldn't lose all 3 of them.   
  


"Jennie if theres anything tell me" Jisoo urges and Jennie refuses.

_You cant fix me._

_I can't even fix myself._  
  
  
"I swear it was just a stomach ache. " she lies.   
  
"Jennie Kim. If I find out that you are lying to me you're going to get it." She pauses and looked up on the pale ceiling, <span;>. "I'm leaving you to think for the night—please wake up early tommrow we have a rehearsal. "<span;>Jisoo remarked and wonders off to Rosé's room before shutting the door tight against her   
  
"Well, I wasnt theoretically lying was i—" Jennie snickered and picked Kuma up for a bear-like hug.Her breathing was somewhat inconsistent and she was suddenly shaking.

  
However, Kuma always made her feel protected and loved. Warmth and comfort.

  
Strong , yet resilient. Maybe that's why she could never go far without her pets by her side. They were her source of comfort when she didn't have anyone else to rely on.   
  
Jennie also started wondering how the three was going to share a room together with Lisa getting into small fights with Jisoo.   
  


"Forget it..."   
  
Jennie's skin tightens and she doesn't say anything until she was 100% sure that Jisoo was out of sight;And wasnt at the door trying to reach out for any sound waves.   
  
"Well. Fuck." She held in her tears. She never knew a single conversation with a few throw and back sentences can lead her into a crying mess.   
  
It almost felt like she had broken her best friend's trust just because of her selfishness. "I'm a bitch."   
  
Her vocal cords twitches and tightened around her neck, her voice cracks—she prepares her hands on her face, her legs clutching up like an idiot, and her blanket over sizing her. 

  
Jennie breathes but it turns out shaky and unstable. Her takes in a huge amount of air and bites her lips, she eyes went down and her mind shuts down.   
  
  
Finally,She breaks, again.  
  
  


* * *

  
  
"I feel like Jennie has been hiding things from me." Jisoo rants as she came bursting into Lisa's and Rosé's room.   
  
The two had their blankets cuddled underneath them and the lights were dim. The air conditioning were adjusted to the fit both of their sleeping conditions.   
<span;>They clearly were preparing for bed before Jisoo came in.   
  
"What the fuck Unnie." Lisa curses and picks up her glasses. "At least knock."  
  
  
"Well, it's not like you guys were naked." Jisoo laughs and slides onto their beds without permission "shoo shoo"   
  
Rose willing moved herself close to Lisa and even held the blanket up for the oldest."I thought you were sleeping with Jennie unnie."  
  
  
"Like I said, Chaeyoung-ah, I dont feel like Jennie is telling me everything. It's like she doesnt trust me anymore—like come on! We have been friends for almost 10 years" she jeered and turned her back on the 'twins'   
  
Rosé sits up right and turned Jisoo over , "Jennie doesn't have to tell you everything Unnie maybe she's just doing this for our sake— you never know; you know how Jennie is like"   
  
Lisa nods and sighs, "honestly, I feel the same way too—I spoke to Chaeyoung about this earlier. Something is wrong I know it."   
  
_Ding._  
 _Wait—_  
 _SHES HIDING SOMETHING_  
  
  
  
"MAYBE SHES DATING??"   
  


Jisoo exclaimed loudly that even Jennie jumped—and she's in the other room. She scoffed softly as the words were muffled but she knew they were talking about her. She says nothing and closes her eyes shut. She was too tired to contiune listening to their chattering; plus that would be pretty rude of her.  
  
  
Lisa and Rosé looked at each other with similar reactions.   
  
" I mean..." Rosé blinks ,"that can be a pretty good ..."   
  


"Reason." Lisa piped and puts down her glasses at the same time. " then let's just keep that in mind—I'm tired I'm going to bed first."   
  
Jisoo and Rosé reads Lisa change in tone and keeps quiet about it. Rosé shaked her head and turns to Jisoo where she hugs her tightly to sleep "goodnight." They say to each other before shutting their eyes.   
  


* * *

  
  
  
"AGAIN!"The pinks hear their choreographer shout at their stage and Jennie drops to the ground exhausted. She was the only one who was breathing harsh sounds despite being trained the longest. Her singing turned into wheezing sounds and it sounded like her voice wasnt warmed up well. The three were back up from the dance quickly and stretched their muscles before they re-do the song.   
  
Jennie knew she had fucked up the dancing since the first beat. She wasn't listening to the counting of the song and her eyes couldnt seem to look straight at the audience.  
  
  
"Jennie. Come here please." Their choreographer called out. Jennie pleaded the gods in hope she wouldnt be screamed at, not like she hasn't already been.   
  
( _REMARK: THIS IS NOT THEIR ACTUAL CHOREOGRAPHER/TEACHER. ALL CHARACTERS OTHER THAN THE PINKS ARE FICTIONAL.)_

  
She picks herself up from the stage floor and drags herself to their instructor. "What's going on?" She sneered, "you're doing poorly today."   
  


_It's not me that is doing poorly. It's my body you Goddamn idiot._   
  
"

Sorry" she squeezes out from her tongue and avoided cursing. She looked at the floor and sneethed at looking at her teacher. "It won't happen in the next rehearsal. "   
  
Her instructor wasn't pleased with her apology and retorted back at Jennie, who wasnt even looking at her.

  
"No, Jennie look at me. That's what you fucking said in the previous performance! WAKE UP. YOUR CONCERT IS TOMMROW. DON'T FUCK IT UP FOR YOUR MEMBERS."   
  
<span;>Jennie took the pleasure of hearing her scream into her ear drums. She couldnt even protest against her—YG staff were all over the place. One word and her career would be over   
  


"Sorry." She repeats.   
  
"No, this isn't the first time—how many times have I already reprimanded you today Jennie."   
  


"Sorry."   
  


"Sorry isn't going to change anything. Tens and thousands of eyes will be looking at you tommrow Jennie Kim!" Jennie wasnt listening anymore—the instructor was just repeating the same thing over and over again. 

  
This, ladies and gentlemen is what you dont see behind the scenes. Endless torture. Curse words that fills the air even if you screw up a small step. This. This is what idols have to deal with everyday. 

  
"Now go back and don't make the same mistake again."   
  
  
_Don't cry._  
  
  
Jennie bows reluctantly at her and turns away, going back to where members were all at. They were staring at her the whole time—instead of being upset with the brunette, they pull her into a big hug and doesn't let ago until the song came in.   
  
Lisa was especially worried for Jennie's health. "Damn, Jennie got it rough today." She tells Rosé as she takes a huge chuck of water down her throat.   
  


"I told you something was wrong." Jisoo cuts.   
  


Lisa chuckles ,"We noticed that too Unnie." 

  
"You aren't the first." 

  
"She'll be fine."   
  
  
However, Jennie doesn't speak even when the rehearsal ends. She was the first to throw herself into the van and close her eyes as she removes her make up. They were asked to wake up early tommrow despite the concert starting at the late afternoon.   
  
Jennie clearly wasnt in the mood to talk to anyone. The cheerful nature of Jennie kim disappeared today—and it wasnt until Lisa tried to confront her about that she speaks.

She changed the topic completely.

Back in their rooms, they were talking about how their beloved Jennie has turned into a whole new person.  
  
"This is the first time Jennie is being so introverted with everyone." Lisa remarks and sighs sadly. 

  
Rosé voice was shaky as she also knew Jennie wasn't the type of person that would completely shut the people she love out of her life."I'm sure she will pick herself up tommrow let's not worry."   
  
"I'm going to text her."

* * *

  
____   
_**LalaLisa✨💛** _   
_You okay? You didnt look_   
_Well today so I just wanted_   
_To check._

_**Seen.**_

  
_**Nini ✨🖤** _   
_Yeah I'm fine thank_ _You_

_for worrying about me_   
_Lisa—but im good I swear._   
  
  
_** Seen. ** _   
  


  
**_LalaLisa✨💛_**  
 _I love you okay♡_  
 _Dont ever forget that!_   
  
_***sent an image of Leo***_   
  
_Leo always cheers me up_  
I _hope this helps._   
  
_**Seen.**_  
  
  
Jennie opens the picture that lisa sends and couldn't help but smile. Leo rolled up around Lisa arms and was looked like he was in a deep sleep. 

  
"Aww." Jennie chuckles she puts her phone down."lisa wasnt lying when she said Leo could really make everyone smile. Thanks Lisa. " she pulls the

covers up and puts her phone down.   
  
Finally, Jennie pulls the strings of the night light, ending the tiring day.  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi everyone! I'm sorry if this took longer than expected.
> 
> 1) I know what's happening between GD and Jennie. Plus support Jennie no matter what. A ship is only a ship that doesnt imply they will be together in the future
> 
> 2) jennie is still human—we should respect her privacy. 
> 
> 3) if this turns out fake I'm killing DISPATCH. 
> 
> 4)#weloveyoujennie please dont hate on Jennie or GD!
> 
> Please comment on my work and I'll make improvements to them~!♡
> 
> ~Gal


	6. Broken Her

She was in a black abyss. Somewhere filled with nothingness. Jennie first thought she was dead, maybe thundering through the hideous waves and the glaring tides of heaven. She thought she this was where she would finally seek peace—a quiet place where nothing she do would be wrong; and Angels would constantly remind her of her worth. 

"What is this," Jennie questions and takes a breathe of the cool, musty air around her. "Its definitely not home." 

She smiles suddenly ,"But then again, maybe I do prefer it here." 

All good things come to a sad end, she caught herself gasping when she heard someone talking. 

"When are you going to stop hurting yourself." 

A voice that was deep, bold and furthermore, husky. But it was clearly a woman's voice despite all of the descriptions. It had a feminine feel in the tone she spoke in, while it had a rough look just by hearing the way it spoke, it gave Jennie enough faith to answer. 

"What are you talking about? Where am I?" 

Jennie seeks out clearly and lies flat on the garnished ground. 

The voice sighed, being clearly disappointed at Jennie's reply"Your consciousness." It says calmly," I can't believe you don't remember, you used to come here often when you where younger." 

Jennie clicks her tongue. She doesnt remember much from her childhood—all remembered was the deep blue seas of New Zealand and the pink broken arm strap she had she moved there to further her studies. 

"Alot of things have changed, old memories were replaced with new ones, now tell me why I am here."

They go silent for awhile before the voice speaks up in a cold timid manner"You're hurting yourself again. This time however,You seem to be in love Jennie Kim" 

It gets softer as it speaks—especially touching on the part where she mentions "love"Jennie knows that it was hiding something, however it wasn't long before it managed to phrase its words right. 

Still, something was off. 

"Your body is detourniating Jennie." 

"I know."

It fights back seamlessly,"You don't. You only focus on Lisa and your members—you put yourself before others and you haven't even thought about your health."

"I love all of them, of course ill put them before me — I'm giving you my 100 percent , full attention, descriptive answers...", Jennie chuckles and tits her head towards the side, palms on the fall, legs spread out and crossed against each other. Her stinging cat eyes creates a negotiation between the two parties and she begins confidently.

"But...I dont think you're being too honest either."

"What do you mean?"

"You seem to be hiding something. Aren't you my consciousness? " Jennie darts and trew countess pubshes into the sky. "Tell me everything " 

(DISCLAIMER: THIS FANFICTION IS FICTIONAL AND ALL MEDICAL TERMS THAT ARE MENTIONED HERE ARE BE FAKE. )

"You're suffering from a Enlorisry Syndrome" 

"What the fuck?" Jennie consumes and deep puff of air and fixes her hair. "Yeah, what the fuck is that." 

"You're going to die Jennie. " 

"Arent we all at some point?"

That anger the voice, Jennie did have some dark humor at her side. 

"FOCUS!" It shouted, making Jennie flitch "look, this is all fucking cliche where the main character suffers cross something and dies but THATS not the fucking point."

"Think about your friends, about Lisa. You will never get to confess your love to her and it's all going to be wasted." 

"Hey, I didnt say I wouldn't confess—confess its Just two more years" Jennie mocks softly and rolls her eyes. 

"Bitch you wont even live that long." It retaliated, clearly upset with the way Jennie took things so simply. 

She taps the ground in best with her fingers. Jennie felt like dancing around the nothingness and the low-fi beat she hummed in her head"Well, that's dark. Okay, honestly how can I even trust you, sure you told me that I'm literally talking to myself right now—but I can't even trust myself."

"Its just a warning. Its Time for you to wake up, see you again, Nini."

"Jennie, wake up." A voice says pushes her awake. 

She knew the voice quite well. No, it was not any of her members. Instead , It was the familiar sound of her annoting body clock that has kept her suffocating for many years.

It was their concert day and Jennie woke up in a blink. Her body clock somehow worked around her timetable and forces her to start the day right. Sure, it helped her get up in time but Jennie was always constantly annoyed. 

"God, you again," she says to no one " when are you going to leave me alone."

Jennie expects no reply and therefore ripped herself out of the bed. "Fuck it." 

She cringed at herself and twitched when she forgets that she'd in a thick robe that held her body together. Before Jennie got into the bathroom, she made sure she had comfortable clothing that she would be wearing for the entire trip to the concert halls. 

A hoodie, she thought. 

"Yellow maybe?" She murmurs and gives a self indulgent nod. The next few movement was automatic — her quick choice of clothes were simple yet fashionable. Jennie immediately invaded the bathroom right after that with her eyes half-closed, she clearly was still in her infinite daydreams. 

Jennie stood still near the mirror admiring her dark circles. She could cover that up with make up later, thus it did not hinder her at all. "Did I not sleep enough?" Jennie questions but repeatedly yawns and reckless speech bubbles appear everywhere. It seriously overwhelmed how she was the only one who was able to see them 

Jennie turns out suddenly like she was missing something. First was her intimate relationship with body clock , next with was her anxiety that pushed her blood up her veins. 

Jennie suddenly realises that she had a friend sleeping on the same bed as her."Fuck, I forgot about Jisoo." She wastes no time and decides to wake the eldest up.

"Unnie?" Jennie calls out and pulled the bathroom doors open. "Are you awake?" 

There was no reply. 

The room was empty. She was the only one whose voice echoed through the silent 4 walls it was similar to a Grayish colour, like ghost that forced us to see. 

A soft bark came around letting her know that least there was someone that kept her company through the night . 

"Kuma! Did you see Jisoo?" 

The connecting door creaks open and it was Jisoo, with her all suited up. Behind her was the other younger ones who clearly looked like the lost the motivation to move"I'm here." 

"Unnie moved in with us halfway through the night." Lisa explains as she held Leo next to her cheeks. "We lost a bunch of sleep because of that." 

Rosé nods in agreement and pointed at the bed , the pillows were all tossed to one side, blankets looked like it had been snatched away to the same side leaving the other side of the bed completely naked. 

"Unnie stole our blankets." 

"And our pillows." 

"Luckily not my cat too, Leo's mine."

Jisoo nearly slaps the both backs but they nearly dodged it and went into hiding"God, Jennie you were so loud. Like jesus, keep it down even when you're talking to yourself. 

"Sorry." Jennie apologises her head down 45 degrees, " nightmares I guess." 

They nod and made a quiet forgiving appearance before walking out of the hotel. A black car appeared before them, it had its Windows completely tainted with black and its chauffeur was a well trained bodyguard. The pinks entered the car with no interference from the fans and paparazzi. 

Their manager was at the front seat waiting patiently for the girls to get ready so they could be informed with the information they need to be aware of.  
"The tickets are sold out Pinks, we will be having a full stage tonight—please do your best!" 

Lisa enthusiastically got up from her seat and started cheering. Herr cheerfulness in the morning lit everyone's sad morning blues up. Jennie suddenly felt a flare of joy inside her lungs. Suddenly, she felt like as if She was breathing out rainbows from her mouth. Her mood heightened and her senses lightened. 

Lisa's feet was literally on the skies now, she was over the moon and her hopes seared to the clouds.contentment filled her heart and happiness trembled inside of her 

"Yay! A FULL STAGE IN THE BIGGEST STADIUM IN THAILAND",she screamed in delight. 

The Pinks concert tickets were selling out everytime. Like this year, right before they offically announced their performances, fans had already saved enough money to preorder thousands of tickets. Pre ordering of the tickets were out in a matter of seconds no matter what size the concert was. 

No matter where the concert was held.

Sure, it was expected but that did not stop Lisa from being overjoyed with the news. 

"You're hyper today, Lisa" Jennie commented as she could share the same similar happiness with Lisa. She was as

"Of course, you know me Nini. It has always been my dream to perform at this stadium. Even during the trainee days I would talk about it often—right??" Lisa's eyes glowed whenever she talked about performing in Thailand. 

Jennie cheeks soften and her smile widen, her tummy smile appear evidently. She nods and gives her approval to the other members. 

They arrive at the concert hall quickly, fans already surrounding the place waiting to enter. Despite it being hours early to the concert, Most of them were jumping ups and downs to show their awaiting excitement with the Pinks. It was surely going to be a once in a lifetime experience. 

The Pinks hid themselves and slid into the backstage where they quickly got dressed up. They had to make sure that they don't mess anything up today. 

Jennie, however was looking like she was in a complete daze. Their rehearsal performances held no emotions in her face. It was as cold as broken winds, like a pipe on he verge of breaking. Her face stole still with only a small smile on her face, her fingers glittering together and her eyebrows moving with no stop. 

Lisa realised that there was something wrong immediately,"Jennie, you okay?" 

Jennie jumped. 

She really wasn't listening to any of her member's conversation. She pulls on the tiny folds of her dress and brushed her make up. The even layers sent small throbs to Lisa's heart and she knew Jennie wasn't in the correct shape today 

"Jennie, you havent answered my question." 

"I'm fine Lisa." 

"No, you look like you're in pain—at least take some painkillers" 

That's the least Jennie could do to numb the pain. She popped tiny blue pills into the mouth before drinking a mouthful of clear water. She looked uncomfortable as she swallowed the tiny drugs that were shaped in a capsule. 

"Thanks." Jennie weakly mutters and walks away silently "see you later?" 

Lisa looked lost—her soul left her body when she saw Jennie fade into the limelight like that. She never seen Jennie so moody before a concert. It's like watching a whole new different person. 

"Yeah, see you later.." 

Rosé and Jisoo were at the corner staring intensely at the old friends ; both having different perspective on the scene. 

"Yeah, Jennie is being ignorant at this point." Jisoo says and crosses her arms "shes being a bitch lately." 

"It's not her fault, I think shes preventing something from happening." Rosé backs up and jolted out of her seat."I'm being a decent friend Jisoo unnie. I can't judge someone like this especially since we have known her for ages. I expected better from you."

The BLACKPINK members placed up and down with no eye contact at each other. It's been bourses since the small conversation therapy and none of them have made a move since then. Their manager had informed them that it was their time to get on stage. 

"Fuck." Jennie sighs and left the bathroom quickly minutes before the concert started. 

"Jennie? You alright?" Her manager checked out on her upon seeing her pale face. 

"Yeah. Must be the make up" 

\--- 

It wasnt. 

\--  
They stood on the mini stage that rised to the top like platelets scattered around. They hands helf tightly on the bars before maintaining their new persona for the concert. Lisa's heartbeat was fast. Faster than it could ever been. 

"One try." Lisa blinks and put up a grand smile of her own, she clicked her tongue and bounced on the stage. After giving her members a quick check, she nodded her head and appeared first on the stage. 

"BLINKS!!!!!! WE ARE BACK!" 

The concert stage was epic. Background music played at the back before it started. Despite the stage being dim,the strong Colourful lights filled the room with energy and pride. The sea of pink hammers where like waves of the deep sea splashing across the seats. Fans screamed their idols name with huge ass banners hanging from the side. 

The excitement had been exploded in the stadium, it turns the cool box in to a huge oven. The air-conditioner seems useless at all. 

They 4 girls took the stage easily and started singing. Her captivating appearance sent the fans throwing themselves out of their seats and joy roared across the stadium. 

The pinks were having the best of their lives, Rosé chipping in whenever she could to show off her maleficent vocals, like the main vocalist should. Jisoo, being the hilarious crackhead—coming up with english words that surprised many fans and made them laugh. 

And Lisa, finally achieving her dream on performing at her birth place, was on the verge of tears and covered her hand over her mouth. 

Jennie, however was facing many sudden problems on stage—her heels were suddenly misplaced and she almost tripped on spot. Her microphone had a mini power trip that caused her to have a shock. 

They had to dance. Dance like their lives depended on it. It didnt matter. Their health didnt matter—what happens was their reputation, their singing, their dancing, their success. 

A striking pain. 

"Fuck." She cursed with her microphone far from her skin "no." 

The pain threatened to cripple her again  
Jennie kept her cool on stage. She tried giving herself deep breaths to cool her head. 

she was hit with the same pain she felt hours ago. 

This time? Worst. The Pain felt like a sharp-toothed creature eating her from the inside.  
It sheeted through her with a terrible intensity. It hurt so bad her could hardly negotiate the raw landscape that strobed in and out of focus all around her. She was sabotaged. God was a sadist that wanted her to feel that sad reality. 

She recalled agony, and the darkness of her thoughts amplified the pain of the new magic in her blood.  
Jennie no. 

Not now 

pain spiraled through her and her eyesight were in a complete dazed, colours disappeared and only black and white were printed.

Stop. Just focus . Focus on Lisa. Jisoo. Rosé. 

Just someone. The fans maybe? The ones cheering for you and screaming your name. 

"Its been my dream to perform in Thailand"  
Jennie remember Lisa saying. 

"I'm going to try my very best no matter what."   
She recalls again. Memories fills her head that prevents her from going insane. 

"You be Nini and I'll be Lili!" 

"Jennie unnie?" 

"I LOVE YOU JENNIE!" 

"Hey, dont talk shit about Nini, look at yourself first." 

Jennie laughs as she shoved her face down on the ground. 

She kneeled down on the cold, metal stage. Everyone around her gasped, Jennie threw her hands on her stomach and tightly begged for air. Her soul was asking for mercy—it yearned to be free from the hellhole that she was held up in. 

"JENNIE!" Jennie hears as her mouth whimpers for a response. 

Its Lisa. 

"JENNIE!!!" 

Again, it was Lisa. 

The members were too stoned to say anything. They could only stop at their tracks and beg god to save their friend.  
They were speechless at how she suddenly collapsed. Fans went viral and started screeching at the top of their voices went Jennie went motionless. Her eyes were shut tight , her hands held on her stomach like her life depended on it, her teeths cletched together and her legs tucked it like a broken leg. 

"Li-li—" Jennie moans out and Lisa collapses right next to her, Gut-wrenching sobs that tore through her chest, Lisa's Body wracked with an onslaught of sobs and tears. She held Jennie's hand tightly and whispered her many safe words. 

"WHATS HAPPENING?? JENNIE LOOK AT ME."Tears escaped Lisa's eyes followed by her fist meeting the wall. Rosé and Jisoo were the next, they snapped out their own realisation and slid straight to Jennie's side. 

"Unnie!"   
"OI! MANDU!" 

Jennie would laugh if she could. She would thank everyone for taking care of her.

"Li...li— I—love you. I —I'm sorry."  
She whispers to Lisa's ears and Pain, suddenly, was all she could recall, and the next thing Jennie could think off was her completely blacking out. Black shimmered her eyes shut and covered her body in a thick musty manner.

Jennie went unconscious.


	7. I promised her eyes

Loud sounds ringed in her ears and blue and red lights shimmered through the darkness. The cloth she was lying on felt rough—iron bars supported her life and held it tightly.

Am I alive? 

A sorrowful ending I must take in? 

Is this it?

Lights flickered out like the flashing of heaven and earth. The world is a Sunflower seed—brown and pure, silent yet courageous. Built to handle to harsh weather conditions and despite mankind's lack of knowledge to control time and space. It leaps towards the endless possibilities and grow like the roaring of a bold lion.

The room was sky blue—the same colour of the deep sea. The same color as the sky's tears and the warmth of someone's hug. 

Loyal, tranquil and trustworthy. 

A colour that was meant to represent someone's undying love for someone.   
And yet cold flooding of the aftermath of tsunamis sent tremors down everyone's spine. 

"Sky blue." A whisper echoed, gentle and sore her face was pale was wore a pretty white. Her lips was chapped together and its red was sucked dry. 

Her eyes went stale and lost all of its colour. Dark circled centred her eyes and her eyelashes were filled with dread. 

"Flashing lights." She continues and her glossy lips go shut. The girl's brown eyes closes as she sips into the deep darkness as the anesthesia takes over her whole body. 

And everywhere, Jennie Kim.

___

"Lisa please—" 

"CHAEYOUNG HOW CAN I CALM DOWN?!??!" She was throwing her hands all over the air in different directions anger suddenly took over her. She was disappointed and furious at herself she failed to protect her member gulit swallowed her. 

Lisa's eyes were bloodshot, enraged words smeared out of her throat. Her face was red and flustered and hinted anger at every corner. 

However, There was also sadness, disappointment and discomfort. Knowing that Jennie hid all of this from them just made them fell worse. They hearts sank when doctors came out to warm them about Jennie. They mention that Jennie may not make it through the surgery due to her medical issues that overlapped. 

Jisoo couldn't stand seeing Lisa like this anymore. Her legs hasn't stopped roaming around the Hospital halls since they arrived. Her fingers were crossed and her teeth clenched tightly against each other. 

Jisoo shakes her head and spits,"Being angry won't help Lisaya. Please calm down." 

Rosé puts her cold hands against Lisa's shoulders and leads her to one of the empty rows of seats. 

"Jisoo is right, let's just wait for the doctors to come out again and from there we can confirm her condition. " 

Lisa pinches her eyes tight,"Fucking god... she should have told us" 

"That's why I said she didn't want to tell us things." Jisoo spoke, " she didnt want us to get worried. Jendeukie knew we were be in Havoc and didnt want to cause trouble..." 

"We were busy enough..." Rosé cuts in, hands on her face. "We should've paid more attention..." 

Lisa's glow was gone—she couldn't even force out a smile or a laugh. She liked dancing but her legs wouldnt even move a finger. She lost all faith in herself and for the first time ever she really wanted to dig a whole and tuck her whole body inside.

"Fuck....." 

"She said she loved me." Lisa manages and learns to break down the same way Jennie did.

And jennie?She really meant it with her heart and soul when she said those words. 

There was seriously a long wave of emotions when decided the day before to confess.

Jennie really loved Lisa.

Now imagine pitch darkness. 

Jennie expected to come to back, she wasnt sho 

"You're back,Jennie." A loud voice took over the quiet room," I knew you would. I told you —"

"And You were right. But I have no regrets." She smiles and lies flat on the dark surface 

"I'm happy now"

"Are you? You're still young. 25 years of age. Theres still so many things you have yet to see."

"Like?"

"Like—" the voice pauses and thinks.. there was no absolute answer for such a question targeted for her. 

"Like what? I've seen everything I wanted to see." Jennie chuckles and brings out a small framed picture," Sure, I missed out alot during my teenage years but Lisa came into my life and I couldn't be anymore happier." 

She was sure ab 

"Jennie—"

Jennie shakes her head and motioned a freeze in her actions. She pushes her index finger on her lips to signal a 'quiet' sign.  
"Please if there is anything else I can ask for that would be my friends' happiness" 

Jennie hears a silent curse from her own consciousness and honest didnt want to blame it. "I'm sorry." She whimpers and presses her head on the ground. 

"I'm sorry." 

"For what?" 

"Not following my own heart" jennie smiles and shuts her eyes. "Is Lisa well?" 

"Mhm." 

Jennie chuckles and lifts her head off the ground,"Then that's good enough for me... I have one request." 

"Yeah?"

"Can I see her again?" 

.. 

Hours later after the depressing downpour from the blackpink members, doctors came out with their hands together and mask covered in blood. Their faces looked rash and were clearly tired from the long surgery. 

Jennie's Lisa thinks.

Jisoo and Rosé were the first ti teach out to the surgeon's waxy hands."How is she doctor?" 

All of Surgeons immediately bowed their heads and left a silent prayer to the members. 

"I'm sorry. "

Lisa fell on both knees upon hearing the first word. Thinking about all the times Jennie nursed her through heartache, sadness, or even happiness she now realized how difficult it must have been for her to witness her pain. 

The pain Lisa felt was sharp but fleeting, sicking and numbing however, Anger took over her and she dashed towards one of the main surgeons. 

Her hands flinched towards the man's white jacket and with all of her strength, she pulled in close to her face—

"WHAT DO YOU YOU'RE SORRY—WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU MEAN"

"Ms Manoban please—" one of the other doctor urged and tried to the separate them. 

"GIVE JENNIE BACK TO US—BACK TO ME." 

"Lisa!" Jisoo tugged Lisa's clothes and pushed her away from the doctors. "Sorry shes very emotional now.." 

Rosé knelt down with her and pressed kisses on her back, hoping to calm her down "its okay Lisa let's hear what the doctors have to say."

The doctors remained calm and replied"We did our best—its up to Ms Jennie now." 

"Ms Jennie is suffering from Enlorisry Syndrome and She's currently on life support in the ICU and is in need of a immediate Kidney transplant. " another doctor explained "however, shes in a coma now and we are not sure when she is going to come back. "

"About ... the group—blackpink..." 

"Its better that the three of you decide what to do next, we will leave you alone." With that all the doctors took another bow and walked away without much of a noise.

"WAIT!" Lisa shouted 

A loud shout jerked everyone in the same room but they turned back and made sure they listened her. 

"Yes Ms Manoban?" 

"Can i- we see her?" 

The doctors looked at each other, lisa was sure they were discussing without much talking. They came into a conclusion fast. "I'm sorry, I dont think you should today—Ms Jennie would need at least a day's break. However,You can visit her tommrow, if you like" 

Luckily, the bandmates were understanding and nodded, giving the doctors a sign of relief. 

"What are we going to do now..." Rosè runs her dry tears and leans against Jisoo's shoulders. "Unnie's sick and we dont even know when she will wake up." 

Jisoo's instinct was quick and grabs a tissue and rubs away Rosé tears. It's always been like this"The company's going to kick her out of Blackpink if she doesn't get up soon." 

The next thing they heard was a loud slam on the chairs.  
"THAT ISN'T THE MAIN POINT NOW. FUCK BLACKPINK. JENNIE IS DYING UNNIE." Lisa shouted as held a strong fist. Her voice was loud enough to capture the nurses attention who just looked away"JENNIE IS DYING UNNIE." 

"Lisa—that's not what I meant–" Jisoo apologies and slowly approaches the angry lion. 

"I can't lose her unnie.." Jisoo warps her heart all around Lisa the moment she hears her. Liss was never this weak infront of anybody. "I'm sorry—" 

Rosé buckles up her emotions and joins in the group hug. This was yet their most sad ones.

"No, dont be sorry she wouldn't like this"

________

"Its not up to me to decide if you wake up or not Jennie." The voice replies harshly "it's up to you"

Jennie agrees as she pinches her own cheeks. "Then I need to wake up now." 

"I thought you said you lived enough." 

"You're changing my words sweetie. I miss Lisa already." Jennie bawled and walked around the endless black cave. "What were you saying when you said I came here before?" 

"You were so young, child. Maybe 3? Or 4? You were so cute and childish. You would scream so much here and rant about your fucking shitty father." 

Jennie flinched and smirked to herself. "So it's about my father?" 

"He left you and your mother too early." 

Jennie sniggered and played with the black ground. " he was never a father to me." 

"Abusive."  
"Mentally."  
"Physically"  
__ 

"Left me."  
"Threw me"  
"Hurt me"  
"Hated me"  
"I'm over him." She says and kisses her own hands. "I'm back and fucking stronger man."

"I'm actually surprised that you didn't come back for years ." 

"I had someone." 

"Lisa." She smirks "that's why i need to go back . I haven't told her everything I need to yet." 

___

News of Jennie Kim fainting (and actually possibly dying)halfway through their concert shocked the world. No further explanation was given to the media besides the fact that she is now in the hospital. Their company had no choice but to cancel their next few concerts in the other countries. They made their apology but some fans were upset over it. 

Despite all of the drama happening all over the world, many fans were extremely worried for Jennie's health and started many kickstarter for her. Not only that, they trended many jennie related post on twitter one being,#helpJennie .

Lisa played with her fingers for a long while. She hasnt left the hospital despite Rosé and Jisoo's nagging. "I'm sorry Chaeyoung but I'm sure. I'm staying here until I get to see her." Lisa apologises and the duo sighed. 

Nothing they did managed to convince Lisa from getting out of the hospital for a break. "Okay but take care of yourself. I'll come by later in the morning tommrow to check on you and Jennie." Jisoo retaliated and gives Lisa a quick hug. Their friendship was always so prefect. Everyone understood each other at the back of hand. 

"I dont want another one fucking hospitalised." She groans and turns away with Rosé, who was still clearly worried about Jennie.

Lisa tries to laugh."Shut up. I'll see you tommrow" she waves a quick goodbye and goes back to her seat

"Jennie said she loves me." Lisa repeats once more, Her heart was beating and her cheeks flushed This wasn't right. Nothing was right. She shouldn't even be thinking about this. Her best friend is in critical condition and shes—"Am I suppose to feel this way?"

She rubs the rubberish part of the hospital seats and pulls out her phone from her pocket. She needed something to distract her from all the pain and sorrow. 

She saw the #helpjennie trend and couldnt help but be happy about it. She knew that Jennie had avid fans and they would obviously be concerned if this is happening.

"Pft...Fans—they're nice." Lisa smiles seemingly and looks through her phone again Every news that popped up was all about Jennie. 

Jennie here. 

Jennie there.

And the next thing she saw was just...

Hate.  
Hate hate.  
Hate hate hate 

So much hate. 

"What the fuck?" Now Lisa's pissed—she started to scroll through all the hate comments and posts against Jennie. "Lazy? Great Actor? Attention seeker? What is this?" 

Was this....what she was faced with 2 years ago? Lisa suddenly felt regret spiral through her veins and Guilt took over her body. She knew what happened to Jennie but she never knew how bad it was. 

And even when shes at a life threatening condition antis are attacking for being usless. Lisa hates that she couldnt do anything. 

"I fucking suck... I didn't even-" Lisa throws her phone on the chair and crosses her legs."Fuck. You should have told me earlier Nini you wouldn't even say a word when your voice cracked up that day.Then on the same week I see you all tangled up on the floor like you're in so so much pain. Why didn't you fucking tell me-... do you—" 

Lisa chokes, "not trust me anymore? Am i- am I just a peice that can be replaced. Ni— tell me."

I'm sorry you have to see me cry.

I hate being so weak infront of anyone Jennie. Why didn't you say something. The day everyone broke you you were fine. 

They sent countless death threats and you acted like nothing happened. 

Jennie. Jennie. Jennie. 

What is everyone going to do you. You're everything to me you know. 

Jennie. 

Nini. 

Mandu. 

Jendeukie. 

What have I done for you. What have i done to deserve such an angel. You were so down when I first met you. Then suddenly you sparkled. Made me see things. 

Beautiful things. 

But Nini —

Why do you love me?

___

"Why do you love Lisa" 

"That's not a question I would want to answer my own consciousness." 

"Its funny. Jennie, you never fell for anyone. " 

"I still won't answer your question. I wish for Lisa to ask me personally. " jennie says as she lies flat down eyes closed. "Is it late?" 

"Its later than late you dummy." It chuckles and falls back to its usual tone. "Didnt you say you wanted to wake up?"

"I'm trying. Nothing is waking up yet. Hey—do you think Lisa heard it?" 

"Heard what? Your short fucking confession?" 

Jennie nods. 

"I'm sure she did. I'm sure she loved it too." 

Jennie nibbles her fingers and blushes to herself. "How do you think she will reply?" 

There was a minute of silence after that sentence.

"Only time will tell love...only time will tell."  
___

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> DID YALL ENJOY ROSÈ SOLO AS MUCH AS I DID SHE REALLY NAILLEDDD ITTT
> 
> ps. I'm sorry if yall feel as if this chapter is a little rushed. I wanted Jennie to speak more to herself so theres not much jenlisa scenes. It'll be a slow burn from here. 
> 
> Please comment and tell me how I can improve!

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first time posting on AO3 please enjoyy and tell me how it was! Please mind my grammar mistakes every now and then! I'll work on it


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